The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now

Product Information

I think a better question than "How much do we need companionship and offspring?" is "How much do I need companionship and offspring?" It sounds like you already answered that one for yourself, and that is where the best answers come from. And I screwed stuff up. All the time. But this book seems entirely irrelevant to that. Or to anything else I'm carrying right now. What can it possibly tell me about yesterday's negative pregnancy test that I don't already know? Our “thirty-is-the-new-twenty” culture tells us the twentysomething years don’t matter. Some say they are an extended adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. In The Defining Decade, Meg Jay argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misunderstanding, much of which has trivialized the most transformative time of our lives. Knowing what to overlook is one way older adults are typically wiser than young adults. With age comes what is known as "positivity effect". We become more interested in positive information, and our brains react less strongly to what negative information we do encounter.”

Meg Jay takes the specific complaints of twenty something life and puts them to diagnostic use."― New Yorker On one hand, I want to congratulate you, but on another, I think you might have fallen into the millenial trap of being narcissistic and blindly self-assured. Of course many people do graduate college, find a job in a related field, and transition into adulthood without issue. But I imagine that for every person following this path that winds up successful and content with their lives, there are a dozen that end up burnt out and disillusioned by 35, and are forced to reevaluate their decisions and start over. It's not just about choosing a career either--the book proposes mindful selection of friends, partners, and life experiences. With the top speed of modern life, it's easy to continue going through the motions without stopping to think about what you're doing. Even if you feel you're headed in the right direction, what is the value lost by taking the time to consider what you really want? (Also, if you really "have it all together" already, why did you read this book in the first place?!) Contemporary culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay argues that this could not be further from the truth. In fact, your twenties are the most defining decade of adulthood. THE DEFINING DECADE does an excellent job of conveying the latest social science on twentysomething relationships and helping young adults to understand why these relationships can be so confusing and challenging...Young adults looking for insights about love, life, and marriage should turn to Dr. Meg Jay's engaging and insightful new book."― W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of VirginiaSo, overall, if you are straight and privileged, if your parents are subsidizing your poor career choices and you are young enough to self-correct according to Dr. Jay's recommendations, you will probably like this book and you will be able to feel pretty good / smug about yourself for a few years. This fascinating, engaging book makes a convincing case that the twenties are the most transformative period of people's lives, and even better, shows readers how to get off the couch and live that decade well. It should be read by all young adults, their friends, their parents, their grandparents, their bosses, their siblings . . . really, by just about everyone!-- Timothy D. Wilson, author of Redirect: The Surprising New Science of Psychological Change For the most part, "naturals" are myths. People who are especially good at something may have some innate inclination, or some particular talent, but they have also spent about ten thousand hours practicing or doing that thing.” The lottery question might get you thinking about what you would do if talent and money didn't matter. But they do. The question twentysomethings need to ask themselves is what they would do with their lives if they didn't win the lottery.”

Forward thinking doesn't just come with age. It comes with practice and experience. That's why some twenty-two-year-olds are incredibly self-possessed, future-oriented people who already know how to face the unknown, while some thirty-four-year-olds still have brains that run the other way.” The very day I read this book, The Billfold had a blog posting critiquing Jay's work, and between the review of Mike Dang (The Billfold) and Goodreads reviewer 'M' (below), I don't have much to add to their comments. At twenty men think that life will be over at thirty. I, at the age of fifty-eight, can no longer take that view. I found this book very helpful. I think anyone in their twenties who don't know what they should do with their life should read this book. The Defining Decade is the book twentysomethings have been waiting for. It will not tell you what you should do with your life, but it will inspire, motivate, and educate you to figure it out" -- Rachel Simmons ― author of The Good GirlAll of the options that we have seem to be to our detriment. Many of Jay’s patients describe feeling lost in a see of optoins, not able to dedicate themselves to anything because of so many alternatives. Identity Capital It places too much emphasis on finding a partner/having children/living the traditional "American dream." Dr. Jay earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, and in gender studies, from the University of California, Berkeley. This book isn't a step by step guide. It won't go into how to systematically meet guys/girls, get over depression, or how to do well on an interview. There are plenty of books on getting into the details. Instead, this is a thought provoking book aimed against the popular twenty something zeitgeist today that, "we can do anything", "there's always time", and "I have until 30 to get my life together." Not to mention the million other stories we tell ourselves like, "I'm never going to get good at this", "It's better to wait rather than choose", or "Everyone on Facebook is doing better than me." In a sense, this book is like "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" to personal finance. They are paradigm shifting books that sweep away the false assumptions and beliefs we acquired from our childhood and culture and replace them with solid, real principles on how reality works. This book isn't going to do the heavy lifting for you, only you can do that. This book is the starting point to begin living one's twenties with drive, clarity, and purpose. Oh, and did I mention that everyone in this book is straight (or at least implied to be)? She mentions gay couples in the fertility section briefly, but the relationship conflicts in this novel are exclusively heterosexual.