Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

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There are many references to alcoholism, which wasn't relevant to my situation, but since the advice is based on the author's personal and professional experience, this makes sense. Maybe, by sharing these thoughts, someone else might be inspired to read this book and better themselves as well. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.

She might try to ignore the problem, or try to solve the problem herself, or cover up for her husband--but whatever her behavior, she is actually taking responsibility for his behavior or her shoulders. After several arrests, a judge mandated that she had to “go to treatment for as long as it takes or go to jail. I thought I knew everything there was to know about co-dependency, but this book took it above and beyond my prior misconceptions.This does not mean the wife is an alcoholic and it does not mean she approves of the alcoholic's behavior.

I'm also keen to read Leslie Irvine's Codependent Forevermore, which is an even-handed critique of CoDA and the recovery moment in general.Much of this book references alcoholism (people often develop codependent behaviors in response to having an addict in their lives), and while that is not what brought about my codependent behaviors, I still found this book to be really helpful. Bet Beattie dievą įtraukia kaip būtiną pagalbos sau žingsnį, nuolat kalba apie atsidavimą Aukštesniajai Jėgai, nors ir pabrėžia, kad tą dievą galima bet kaip suprasti. For anyone who has experienced emotional martyrdom and excessive guilt surrounding self-care issues, this is a necessary read! For me, the constant references to alcohol and Al-Anon grated on me, as did mentions of her religious persuasion. But there are also a lot of holes and incredible overemphasis on alcoholism and 12 Step program dogma, which I happen to feel strongly contain elements that are damaging and limiting in their approach and perspective.

Many times while reading, I found myself getting frustrated with this back and forth; there really wasn't any real help given to "stop doing the thing", save for just not doing it, or participating in a twelve-step program. By using the Web site, you confirm that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by the Terms and Conditions. This book is pretty old for a self help book, but I still found so much of it to be relatable and worthwhile.Even if you do not identify as codependent (and now I know I do not), you may find, as I did, that learning more about codependence helps put family relationships into perspective. If you need an unhealthy dose of self-hate go for this book otherwise do yourself a favor and get a copy of one of Brene Brown's books. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion. This book very gently shows that your not a failure but you do need to work on yourself not the other person.

Although she was rescued the same day, the incident set the tone for a childhood of abuse, and she was sexually abused by a neighbor throughout her youth. My criticisms would be that it seems very dated in places, and she does like to use the word "God" when I would've preferred her to use Higher Power, however, that should not diminish the significance or importance of this book. Beattie recounts how, when she was leading family support groups, she’d ask the members what they were feeling. But instead of doing it the healthy way--controlling themself by setting boundaries and knowing how to enforce them--they try to control the other person by "helping" them in various ways. I finally realized that if I put half as much energy into doing the right thing as I had into doing wrong, I could do anything,” Beattie said.In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child. Also extremely irksome was the very commonly American style of presumptuous Christian proselytising (that said, I do think this American habit/ tendency is declining over recent years as respect for the differing views of others has grown, so perhaps, in this case, it is also a mark of an earlier era as the book was written in the '80s).