Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Product Information

A good rule of thumb is: You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do. p 65 The most significant change in my life has been the loss of my son, Shane. As you may have heard or read, in February of 1991, three days after his twelfth birthday, my beloved Shane - so much a part of my life and work - was killed suddenly in a ski accident on the slopes at Afton Alps. Melody Beattie’s compassionate and insightful look into codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another— has helped millions of readers understand that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins. I stumbled upon this book a little late. I had already had my crisis, realized I needed to change my life and started taking steps in the right direction. Therefore, about half of the book I didn't need. I could see myself 5 or 10 years ago in a few chapters, 1 or 2 years ago in others. It made me a little angry that I had to go through some of the things I went through via trial and error, without the aid of this little self-help book. I could see how helpful it would have been if I had had it then. If you already know what co-dependency is, this isn't the book for you. This is a book for those who are struggling and have no idea what the hell is wrong with them. We all know these people. They don't know yet that they need help, but they do. Although some things appear not to have changed, things are constantly changing. Our consciousness, as individuals and as a society, has been raised. We've realized that women have souls, and men have feelings.

I knew this was a classic of the genre, but I found myself unimpressed by it. Maybe I came at it with the wrong expectations? I was thinking of "co-dependency" in a more generic sense — say, the way a married couple can be enmeshed and lose their boundaries with each other. Beattie's book instead seems dated to me, bound up as it is with the classic origins of the term "co-dependence" in the partners of alcoholics. The book contains many quotes from the Twelve Step model and makes many references to God and a Higher Power. The Twelve Step references seemed appropriate at first but I didn't expect to see chapter(s) dedicated to the program. While the parts about the Twelve Step Program offer a good preview for those considering meetings for codependents, it started feeling like a sales pitch. I could have done without so many theistic references, and even though the author states that these references are spiritual but not religious, they felt religious.Much of this book references alcoholism (people often develop codependent behaviors in response to having an addict in their lives), and while that is not what brought about my codependent behaviors, I still found this book to be really helpful. I imagine that it could be particularly resonant for those actually in that situation. Next, the codependent tries to figure out how to cope with a situation that is not their fault and they have no control over. The natural instinct is to try to gain some control over the situation. But instead of doing it the healthy way--controlling themself by setting boundaries and knowing how to enforce them--they try to control the other person by "helping" them in various ways. I feel more passionately about the importance of healing from our abuse issues. I feel more passionately. I've become more spontaneous, embraced my femininity, and learned new lessons along the way - about boundaries, flexibility, and owning my power. And about love. I'm learning to respect men. My relationships have deepened. Some have changed. It would be kind. Because that's what I needed - information and kindness. I needed help with my healing process from my codependency issues. The truth was I didn't UNDERSTAND the meaning of the word codependent, or the behaviors of someone with codependency, and certainly not the birth of these behaviors. This book helped me to truly explore that, and I can only say that I am happier on the other side of this book -- and a hell of a lot less anxious LOL.

I was first introduced to the term "codependent" by my therapist a little over a year ago. I remember being flabberghasted. "NOT ME! I'm the most financially independent woman there is. I don't need a man or anyone for that matter!" The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.” This book made me realize that I have a voice and an opinion and both matter just as much as the next person. I realized that I can make decisions and not have to worry if my opinion is what other people may think or want. My opinion is exactly that…my opinion. It is okay to have an opinion that is different than someone else’s. I also learned that I need to detach myself from the people in my life that cause me harm…emotionally, physically, doesn’t matter… What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?Melody Beattie's compassionate and insightful look into codependency-the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another-has guided millions of readers toward the understanding that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins. PDF / EPUB File Name: Codependent_No_More_-_Melody_Beattie.pdf, Codependent_No_More_-_Melody_Beattie.epub

I have preferred Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction for better coverage of this topic. I'm also keen to read Leslie Irvine's Codependent Forevermore, which is an even-handed critique of CoDA and the recovery moment in general. Tell about the changes that have happened - to women, to people in our country, to you, since you wrote that book," she suggested. I've grown and changed. I've watched my friends grow and change. Many of you have written to me about your growth and change.

I turn on the television. The movie of the week, I can't remember the name, is a story about a teenager struggling to deal with her alcoholism and the impact of being raped. Her mother, a nurse, has worked valiantly to break free from a dysfunctional and abusive relationship with her husband, the girl's father. Throughout the movie, mother and daughter talk directly about not rescuing each other because of the diminishing effects of such behavior. The movie ends with the daughter playing a guitar and singing a song she's written about not being a victim anymore.