He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself

Product Information

WILLY ( underneath them, in the living room) : Yes, sir, eighty thousand miles — eighty-two thousand!

WILLY: That’s just what I mean. Bernard can get the best marks in school, y’understand, but when he gets out in the business world, y’understand, you are going to be five times ahead of him. That’s why I thank Almighty God you’re both built like Adonises. Because the man who makes an appearance in the business world, the man who creates personal interest, is the man who gets ahead . Be liked and you will never want. You take me, for instance. I never have to wait in line to see a buyer. »Willy Loman is here!« That’s all they have to know, and I go right through. HAPPY: But not so noticeable. It got so embarrassing I sent him to Florida . And you know something? Most of the time he’s talking to you. HAPPY ( moving about with energy, expressiveness) : All I can do now is wait for the merchandise manager to die. And suppose I get to be merchandise manager? He’s a good friend of mine, and he just built a terrific estate on Long Island. And he lived there about two months and sold it, and now he’s building another one. He can’t enjoy it once it’s finished. And I know that’s just what I would do. I don’t know what the hell I’m workin’ for. Sometimes I sit in my apartment — all alone. And I think of the rent I’m paying. And it’s crazy. But then, it’s what I always wanted. My own apartment, a car, and plenty of women. And still, goddammit, I’m lonely. WILLY: I been wondering why you polish the car so careful. Ha! Don’t leave the hubcaps, boys. Get the chamois to the hubcaps. Happy, use newspaper on the windows, it’s the easiest thing. Show him how to do it Biff! You see, Happy? Pad it up, use it like a pad. That’s it, that’s it, good work. You’re doin’ all right, Hap. ( He pauses, then nods in approbation for a few seconds, then looks upward.) Biff, first thing we gotta do when we get time is clip that big branch over the house. Afraid it’s gonna fall in a storm and hit the roof. Tell you what. We get a rope and sling her around, and then we climb up there with a couple of saws and take her down. Soon as you finish the car, boys, I wanna see ya. I got a surprise for you, boys.Now your son might be quite a different person than me but the point i'm making here is that I think that once you reach around the age of High School you do start to form opinions about the world which might take up until your mid 20's to refute/re-evaluate. And being these are some of the first opinions you form, you will defend them much more aggressively and live and die by them much more than any sane adult normally would. Then he goes into the "how's".. now there is a chapter that takes a lot of self-reflection on the parent's part. He has us question, who much of our self-esteem is related to our children's accomplishments? Of course everyone wants what is best for our child, but at what cost? Is this what YOU want for him so YOU can feel good about what a great parent you are or so his achievements can make up for something we wished we did in our own childhoods? Honestly, I never thought that having the amazing opportunity of witnessing the transition of my son becoming an adult was going to drive me crazy, to make me doubt myself in one year more than I have during my whole life, to make me want to give up, run away and hide for the next 10 years. Because, parenting teenagers, is really challenging and frustrating sometimes :( . And I know everybody can say that but no one will truly realize it until one day their sweet babies are transforming into saucy teenagers!! Frankly, I hadn't realized that a book like this needed to be written, but I guess that's my privilege speaking. But if it does resonate, and if you want to dive deeper, find a copy of the book Driven To Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey. It was their later book "Delivered From Distraction", which is more about adult ADHD, that helped me find my way.

LINDA: He was crestfallen, Willy. You know how he admires you . I think if he finds himself, then you’ll both be happier and not fight any more. WILLY: I'll start out in the morning. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. ( She is taking off his shoes.) These goddam arch supports are killing me. HAPPY ( with a deep and masculine laugh ): About five hundred women would like to know what was said in this room. ( They share a soft laugh.)While he can't claim to know your experience and your child, he is pretty bang on with his analogy of the teen boy. When I asked my son to rate himself using a ruler as the book suggests, his response was exactly how the author said it would happen. The author talks about how terrible school has become especially for boys. That you need a business degree to “manage” school. I agree completely. And that boys prefrontal cortex won’t be matured until they are 26. If you are in a position to send him to a IB school and he is not willing to get good grades then it is clear he is in dire need of being reminded of just how priviledged his upbringing really is. Light has risen on the boys’ room. Unseen, Willy is heard talking to himself, »eighty thousand miles,« and a little laugh. Biff gets out of bed, comes downstage a bit, and stands attentively. Biff is two years older than his brother Happy, well built, but in these days bears a worn air and seems less self-assured. He has succeeded less, and his dreams are stronger and less acceptable than Happy’s . Happy is tall, powerfully made. Sexuality is like a visible color on him, or a scent that many women have discovered. He, like his brother, is lost, but in a different way, for he has never allowed himself to turn his face toward defeat and is thus more confused and hard-skinned, although seemingly more content.)

In He's Not Lazy, Dr. Price, a renowned expert on ADHD and learning disabilities, explains how to help a boy who is not lazy, but rather, is conflicted about trying his best. Dr. Price will guide you to discover hidden obstacles to your son's success, set expectations, and empower him to accept responsibility for his own future. He's Not Lazy will help you become your son's ally, as he discovers greater self-confidence and becomes more self-reliant. WILLY: They should’ve arrested the builder for cutting those down. They massacred the neighborhood. [Lost.] More and more I think of those days, Linda. This time of year it was lilac and wisteria. And then the peonies would come out, and the daffodils. What fragrance in this room! A lot of people think that if you have ADHD, then it's an all or nothing thing in terms of focus and distractibility. They say things like, "Well, if he can focus so well on a video game, then he can't have ADHD", or "he's not always distracted, so he can't have ADHD", but that's simply not true. People with Inattentive ADHD can focus, and can even hyperfocus to the exclusion of just about anything else, if the conditions are right. ADHD is what's called an "executive dysfunction", which means that it's a brain-based impairment that impacts a person’s ability to analyze, organize, decide, and execute things on time. It causes assignments to be lost, deadlines to be missed, and projects to overwhelm. BIFF: I think I’ll go to see him. If I could get ten thousand or even seven or eight thousand dollars I could buy a beautiful ranch. That being said, just take a look at the two articles I linked above. If you think they describe your son at all, talk to him! Tell him some of the points you found or have him read the articles and see how he feels. Does it resonate with him? If not, then I may be completely off base, and there are no worries!

Is it typical for young teenage boys to be lazy but for them to become more diligent as they get closer to finishing high school? (I would not have thought so, but was advised by someone who is older than me — although not necessarily qualified that this is the case). In He’s Not Lazy, Dr. Price, a renowned expert on ADHD and learning disabilities, explains how to help a boy who is not lazy, but rather, is conflicted about trying his best. Dr. Price will guide you to discover hidden obstacles to your son’s success, set expectations, and empower him to accept responsibility for his own future. Knowing if this is typical is important for some difficult decisions I need to make in the next few weeks (my son is coasting along and I need to work out whether to continue to send him to a private school where he would be expected to do IB — the internationally recognised International Baccalaureate "qualification", or a public school where he will graduate from the much easier New Zealand NCEA (by world standards, not very good) standard. The urgency coincides with the start of high school, and the need to give notice to his existing school. This was a perfectly fine book but I don't think you need to read it. It's written for a VERY SPECIFIC audience and I don't know anyone in it.

BIFF: I’m takin’ one play for Pop. You watch me, Pop, and when I take off my helmet, that means I’m breakin’ out. Then you LINDA: And Willy — if it’s warm Sunday we’ll drive in the country. And we’ll open the windshield, and take lunch. On the surface, capable teenage boys may look lazy. But dig a little deeper, writes child psychologist Adam Price in He's Not Lazy, and you'll often find conflicted boys who want to do well in middle and high school but are afraid to fail, and so do not try. This book can help you become an ally with your son, as he discovers greater self-confidence and accepts responsibility for his future. WILLY: How can he find himself on a farm? Is that a life? A farmhand? In the beginning, when he was young, I thought, well, a young man, it’s good for him to tramp around, take a lot of different jobs. But it’s more than ten years now and he has yet to make thirty-five dollars a week! WILLY: Oh, won’t that be something! Me comin’ into the Boston stores with you boys carryin’ my bags. What a sensation!WILLY: No, no, some people— some people accomplish something. Did Biff say anything after I went this morning? HAPPY ( with deep sentiment): Funny, Biff, y’know? Us sleeping in here again? The old beds. ( He pats his bed affectionately.) All the talk that went across those two beds, huh? Our whole lives. WILLY: Biff Loman is lost. In the greatest country in the world a young man with such— personal attractiveness , gets lost. And such a hard worker. There’s one thing about Biff— he’s not lazy . WILLY: I was thinking of the Chevvy. ( Slight pause.) Nineteen twenty-eight ... when I had that red Chevvy... (Breaks off.) That funny? I coulda sworn I was driving that Chevvy today.