Ugly Love

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I shake my head. “What kind of apartment complex are you living in? Do I need to prepare to be groped by drunk people every time I come home?” And goodness, when the truth is finally revealed, IT. IS. UGLY. Gut wrenching. Shattering. I was breathless. In tears. Everything fell into place. I got it. i felt so much more emotion and passion in what he had to give to Rachel, it was sad we never got to see that with Tate too. We never got the emotional moment of appreciation towards Tate making him a father again, how it felt to see her as a first time mum in that moment, but we sure got all of that during Rachel and Miles’ moment in the hospital together.

Cap slowly turns his head toward me and arches his bushy gray eyebrow. “I ever tell you about the time I found a dead body on the third floor?” I shake my head, relieved that he changed the subject but confused that the subject of a dead body has somehow helped me find relief. I’m just as morbid as Cap. Hoover builds a terrific new-adult world here with two people growing in their careers and discovering mature love."--Booklist (starred review) what you feel. Only one person who hurts like you hurt. Only one other parent to that baby boy who misses him the same way you do.” My eyes are closed tightly now, and I’m doing all I can to respect his end of the conversation, but it’s taking all I have not to get up and walk away. He has no right bringing Rachel into this conversation. “Miles,” he says quietly. There’s determination in his voice, like he needs me to take him seriously. I always do. “You believe you took away that girl’s chance at happiness, and until you confront that past, you won’t ever move forward. You’re gonna be reliving that day every single day until the day you die, unless you go see for your own eyes that she’s okay. Then maybe you’ll see that it’s okay for you to be happy, too.” I lean forward and run my hands over my face, then rest my elbows on my knees and look down. I watch as a single tear falls from my eye and drops to the floor beneath my feet. “And what happens if she’s not okay?” I whisper. Cap leans forward and clasps his hands between his knees. I turn and look at him, seeing tears in his eyes for the first time in the twenty-four years I’ve known him. “Then I guess nothing changes. You can keep on feeling like you don’t deserve a life for ruining hers. You can keep on avoiding everything that might make you feel again.” He leans in toward me and lowers his voice. “I know the thought of confronting your past terrifies you. It terrifies every man. But sometimes we don’t do it for ourselves. We do it for the people we love more than ourselves.”My words completely break him, and I’m consumed with guilt over allowing six years to pass without letting him hear those words. He leans over and wraps his arms tightly around me, pulling me against him. I let him hold me. He holds me for a long time, until all the apologies and forgiveness are absorbed and it’s just us again. No tears. I would be lying if I said I never think about what I did to him. I think about it every day. But I was eighteen and devastated, and nothing mattered to me after that night. Nothing. I just wanted to forget, but every morning I woke up and didn’t feel Clayton by my side, I blamed Miles. I blamed him for saving me, because I had no reason left to live. I also knew in my heart that Miles did what he could. I knew in my heart that it was never his fault, but at that point in my life, I wasn’t capable of rational thought or even forgiveness. At that point in my life, I was convinced I wouldn’t be capable of anything at all but feeling pain. Those feelings never wavered for more than three years. Until the day I met Brad. I don’t know who Miles has, but the familiar struggle in his eyes proves there’s someone. I used to see the same struggle every time I looked in the mirror, unsure if I had it in me to love again. “Do you love her?” I ask him. I don’t need to know her name. We’re beyond that now. I know he isn’t here because he’s still in love with me. He’s here because he doesn’t know how to love at all. He sighs and rests his chin on top of my head. “I’m scared I won’t be able to.” Miles kisses the top of my head, and I close my eyes. I listen to his heart beating inside his chest. A heart he’s claiming isn’t capable of knowing how to love, but in actuality, it’s a heart that loves too much. He loved so much, and that one night took it away from us. Changed Colleen Hoover just "demolished "me. Completely and 100% blew me away...not that I'm surprised or anything because she never ceases to amaze me.... I was pulled in from the beginning...and I loved every second of it!"--True Story Book Blog, blog tour review because in the end i felt more sorry for what Rachel and miles lost than happiness for what Miles gained in having Tate🥺 This guy may deserve every single bit of the remorse he’s feeling for whatever he did to Rachel, but at least he’s feeling it. I have to give him that much.

I didn’t think God would make someone go through that much physical pain. I didn’t think God would make someone suffer like she suffered. I didn’t think God was capable of making someone go through something so ugly.” A tear falls from Rachel’s closed eyes. “But then I met you, and every single day since then, I’ve wondered how someone could be so beautiful if there wasn’t a God. I’ve wondered how someone could make me so incredibly happy if God didn’t exist. And I realized . . . just now . . . that God gives us the ugliness so we don’t take the beautiful things in life for granted.” My words don’t make Rachel smile. My words make Rachel frown. My words make Rachel cry. “Miles,” she whispers. She says my name so quietly it’s as if she doesn’t want me to hear it. She looks at me, and I can see that this moment isn’t one of the beautiful moments for her. Not like it is for me. “Miles . . . I’m late.” I roll my eyes. He’s still the same bossy brother he always was. I knew that moving in with him would not be good for our relationship, considering how fatherly he acted toward me when we were younger. However, I had no time to find a job, get my own apartment, and get settled before my new classes started, so it left me with little choice. Six years earlier “Why is everything yellow?” My dad is standing in the doorway to Rachel’s bedroom, looking at the few items we’ve collected in the months since he’s known about the pregnancy. “It looks like Big Bird threw up in here.” Rachel laughs. She’s standing at the bathroom mirror, putting the finishing touches on her makeup. I’ve been lying on her bed, watching her. “We don’t want to know if it’s a boy or a girl, so we’re buying gender-neutral colors.” Rachel answers my dad’s question as if it were one of many, but we both know it’s the first. He hasn’t asked about the pregnancy. He doesn’t ask about our plans. He usually leaves the room if Rachel and I are both in it. Lisa isn’t much different. She’s not past the point of disappointment or sadness yet, so we don’t push it. It’ll take time, so Rachel and I are giving that to them. Right now, Rachel only has me to talk to about the baby,orbin: Want to grab dinner? What time do you get off work? e: Ten minutes. Where at? orbin: We’re nearby. We’ll just meet you out front.

walks out the door. I fall into my chair. He’s so nice. I could get used to this. I pull my notebook in front of me and begin studying. About half an hour passes, and then I get a text from him. Miles: How’s the homework going? for what he did to my mother. “It’s fine, Dad. We’ll discuss it another time.” He tells me no. He says he needs to discuss it with me now. He tells me it’s important. I want to tell him it’s not important. I want to tell him Clayton is important. I want to focus on Clayton and Rachel and forget all about the fact that my father is human and makes awful choices like the rest of us. But I don’t say any of that. I listen. Because he’s my father. COLLEEN HOOVER is the No.1 bestselling author of Slammed, Point of Retreat, This Girl, Hopeless, Losing Hope, Finding Cinderella, and Maybe Someday. She lives in Texas with her husband and their three boys. Please visit ColleenHoover.com.

Diaries & Calendars

trying. “If it happens it happens,” Tate said. It happened. When we found out, we were both excited. She cried. Her tears were falling falling falling, but mine weren’t. As excited as I was, I was also scared. I was scared of the fear that comes along with loving someone that much. Scared of everything bad that could happen. I was scared that my memories would take away from the day I became a father again. Well, it just happened. And I’m still scared. Terrified. “It’s a girl,” the doctor says. A girl. We just had a baby girl. I just became a father again. Tate just became a mother. Feel something, Miles. Tate looks up at me. I know she can see the fear in my eyes. I also know how much pain she’s in right now, but she still somehow manages a smile. “Sam,” she whispers, saying her name out loud for the first time. Tate insisted we name her Sam in honor of Cap’s real name, Samuel. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. The story centers on their struggles to understand their feelings for the other. Tate must battle whether Miles’ sometimes hurtful actions are worth it. Is he worth it? And Miles must reconcile his past and decipher his own feelings before it’s too late. I loved the buildup of emotion as these two people fell in love. I could feel myself filling up up up with desperate hope and possibility. It was all such a visceral experience. So many emotions. So many ups and downs. So many feels. All wonderfully chaotic. Colleen Hoover has given us a story that is full of emotion.... she stayed true to her reputation of writing characters that are real and a story that is both compelling and powerful."--A Literary Perusal, blog review Miles: Are you busy? Me: Always busy. What’s up? Miles: I need your help. Won’t take long. Me: Be there in five.